Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical
by Dance in the Moonlight
Summary: What if the entire story of Left 4 Dead 2 was, in fact, not a game? What if it was a Broadway-esque musical? Purchase your tickets today... it's gonna be an interesting show. -Has been moved to my DeviantArt account- will be updated there from now on.-
1. It Sucks to Be Me

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

A/N: Okay, you heard me right. Everybody's wondered at some point what Left 4 Dead would be like including some sparkling musical numbers... oh, okay, it was just me. Well, I shall wait no longer!

Prepare to read the entire tale of Left 4 Dead 2, from start to end, the Passing and all, including canon pairings, inside-joke memes, often-altered songs and a ton more. Speaking is in normal font and _singing _is in italics. Enjoy. ;)

* * *

(The stage is dark. The rattle of gunfire suddenly pierces the silence, followed by the slowly fading in groans of the infected. The lights come up as a newly acquainted NICK and ROCHELLE dash into the foreground of the HOTEL, blasting at various zombies that edge in every few seconds)

**ROCHELLE:**

Hey, suit guy, behind you!

(She shoots a SPITTER which promptly topples backwards, dead as a doornail. NICK appears irked at having been saved by her)

**NICK:**

Thanks, I guess. You doing okay?

**ROCHELLE:**

As okay as I can be. What about you, how are you feeling?

**NICK:**

Disappointed.

**ROCHELLE:**

Yeah, me t- wait, what? Why?

(NICK scowls, slamming an infected with his frying pan)

**ROCHELLE:**

C'mon, you can say it.

**NICK:**

I hate singing... (his scowl deepens before he addresses ROCHELLE in song) _This time three weeks ago, I thought I would be..._

**ROCHELLE:**

What?

**NICK:**

_Seen pickin' up hookers, on CCTV... But now I'm here next to you, and as you can see, I'm not._

**ROCHELLE:**

Nope...

**NICK:**

Oh well! _It sucks to be me._

**ROCHELLE:**

Yup!

**NICK:**

_It sucks to be me..._

**ROCHELLE:**

Uh-huh!

**NICK** (as an uninjured COACH and ELLIS enter from stage right and stage left)**:**

_It sucks to be killin' zombies with these hicks and turning thirty six! It sucks to be me._

**ROCHELLE** (blasts away another zombie before folding her arms)**:**

Oh? You think YOUR life sucks?

**NICK:**

I think so, yes.

**ROCHELLE **(places her hands on her hips)**:**

You've got nothing on me. _I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart._

**ELLIS** (chiming in)**:**

You are!

**ROCHELLE:**

Thanks sweetie. _And I kissed ass in that job, right from the start. All I wanted was a raise; it held a place in my heart! So why... didn't I get a promotion... Fuck! It sucks to be me._

**NICK:**

You and me both, loud girl.

**ROCHELLE:**

_It sucks to be me..._

**NICK:**

_It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Nick-_

**ROCHELLE:**

_And Rochelle-_

**NICK:**

To not get some action!

**ROCHELLE:**

To not get my dream!

**BOTH:**

_It sucks to be me._

**ROCHELLE:**

Hold up. Just hold up. Coach, Ellis, wanna settle something for us? (They lean in) Who's life sucks more? Nick's or mine?

(A long pause as the two think. ELLIS fiddles with the brim of his cap before leaning into to whisper in COACH'S ear. They converse quickly before seeming to reach a decision)

**COACH **(shrugging)**:**

All of ours. _It sucks to be me!_

**ELLIS:**

_It sucks to be me!_

**NICK:**

_It sucks to be me!_

**ROCHELLE:**

_It sucks to be me!_

**ALL**_: Is there ANYBODY here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!_

(There's a sudden wail as a WITCH comes storming in. The SURVIVORS go rigid and point their weapons at her, surrounding her in a semi circle, but she merely stands centre stage and begins to attempt to speak through her cries)

**WITCH:**

Why (sob) are you all being so (sob) LOUD?

**ELLIS:**

Well I'll be! It's a Witch!

**WITCH:**

Yes I am! _I'm a special infected; (sob) I could kill you in two strokes. I've smashed some egg heads today, not to mention stomping on the yolks! (sob) Now I'm a weeper and butt of all the PMS jokes- (sob) but I... (sob) I can't help it... (sob) I'm feelin' so blue._

**SURVIVORS:**

_It sucks to be you._

**NICK:**

Well I feel kinda better now!

**COACH:**

Hey, me too!

(They glance around at the wreck of Savannah and seem to think again)

**ROCHELLE:**

... but what should we do?

**ELLIS** (still not quite caught up, points at the WITCH)**:**

It sucks to be you!

**ALL:**

It sucks to be you...

_But what do we do? _

_Sucks to be me..._

_What has this come to?_

_It sucks to be you..._

_So what do we do?_

_It sure sucks to be us..._

_But if we stick together, stay together- we might make it through!_

_ And that's what we'll do!_

_We'll find rescue too!_

'_Til that dream comes true..._

_That's what we'll do!  
_  
(The song ends with a loud note and the WITCH gives a sudden deadly shriek before leaping in ELLIS'S direction. All four SURVIVORS gun her down in an instant)

**NICK:**

Boom, baby! YEAH. Headshot!

(BLACKOUT)

* * *

A/N: And that's what I give you for now folks... just a small taster. This is based on and goes to the tune of Avenue Q's ' It Sucks to Be Me', which I DO NOT OWN... Most of the lyrics are influenced from it and follow the rhyming scheme, although I left out one or two sections of the original. All the same, try to listen to the song and get a sense for the tune and lyrics, or just enjoy this opening chapter of this little musical on its own. Opinions and reviews are always appreciated, and I'll happily answer any questions people may have. (: I'll update as soon as I can. I don't own Left 4 Dead 2.


	2. Ease on Down the Road

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

Chapter Two: Ease On Down the Road

* * *

(Lights come up sharply as COACH whirls around stage in a hollering panic, a cackling JOCKEY crouched on his shoulders. The other three SURVIVORS are standing there, rather tense as they awkwardly try to knock the JOCKEY off without hitting their comrade, pulling up short at the last second every time)

**ROCHELLE:**

Maybe... if we try from this angle...

**NICK:**

Or...

**COACH:**

Help me! SHIT, ELLIS, don't TELL me that's you boy!

**ELLIS:**

Hey, that's kinda 'fensive Coach!

(ELLIS makes to playfully shove COACH but knocks the JOCKEY off, helpfully. Nick is quick to put an end to its squirms)

**NICK:**

Son of a bitch, it's like you're a five year old with a gun. Except taller. With a hat.

**ROCHELLE** (defensively)**:**

Nick, c'mon, we need to keep moving. The mall's not far.

**ELLIS:**

I know a place nearby where we can get some real big guns.

**NICK: **

Correction- a five year old with a soon-to-be BIGGER gun.

**COACH** (rubbing his head still from the JOCKEY attack)**:**

You say one more word and you're gonna wish we didn't have those guns, Nick. Just lead the way, Ellis.

**NICK: **

Ooooh, NOW I'm scared.

(They begin to walk, but Ellis stops for a moment, staring away in something close to deep thought. The others almost walk offstage before ROCHELLE notices and turns)

**ROCHELLE:**

Ellis. You comin'?

**ELLIS: **

Yeah... 'cept Nick just reminded me o'somethin'. I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith had to babysit this five year old youngin' for his stepsis?

(A swelling piano symphony is building up, and a spotlight shines down on ELLIS as he takes a deep breath and gets ready to head full throttle into the story. NICK starts to hastily reload his gun)

**ROCHELLE: **

Ellis, sweetie? Now might not be the opportune moment for this...

**ELLIS** (as the light cuts out immediately and the music stops)**:**

Sure thing, Ro.

(NICK takes several deep breaths, encouraged by ELLIS'S silence to calm down as they continue along. He instead uses the bullets on a distant pair of zombies)

**ELLIS:**

My feet hurt.

**COACH:**

C'mon, folks. I know ya'll are gettin' a little stir crazy, it's to be expected I guess. Just one foot at a time... I bet there's an evac station at the mall. I'd bet my last Chocolate Helicopter.

**NICK: **

Those are some steep words, man.

**COACH** (ignoring Nick's jibe)**:**

Let's go kids. One foot at a time, that's it. Keep your hopes up, keep them spirits high. We'll just ease on down this road, right? And take down any o' them bastards on the way.

(The other SURVIVORS, expressions newly determined, give a small nod and start forward. An optimistic R&B, soul-filled rhythm starts to build up. Coach gives a little bob as he walks, starting to sing)

**COACH: **

_Come on and... ease on down, ease on down the road. Don't you carry nothin' that might be load, come on ease on down, ease on down the road._

(Rochelle grins slightly at his attempt to bring cheer and gives in, quickening her pace and throwing a quick Molotov before joining in)

**ROCHELLE: **

_Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road. Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road. Don't you carry nothing that might be a load- Come on, ease on down, ease on down, down the road._

**COACH:**

_Pick your left foot up, when your right foot's down! Come on legs, keep movin', don't you lose no ground! __You just keep on keepin' on the road that you choose. Don't you give up walkin', cos to those zombies we won't lose, no!_

(ELLIS joins in merrily, slicing a SPITTER in half with his chainsaw as he keeps up. His voice is unsuited to the music and beat but the THREE sing, full of optimism. Trailing a little behind them, NICK looks like he's fighting the urge to vomit)

**COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE: **

'_Cos there may be times, when you think you've lost your mind-_

**NICK: **

If this keeps up I'm gonna lose it pretty soon!

**COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE: **

_And the steps you're takin' leave you three, four steps behind. But the road you're walking might be long sometimes- you'll just keep on steppin' and you'll be just fine, yeah!_

(The THREE are almost dancing at this point. Their movements are ungainly but they're genuinely enjoying themselves, and not missing a single zombie with their aim at the same time. NICK could not look more disgusted)

**ELLIS: **

_Well there may be times when you wish you wasn't born-_

**NICK: **

Tell me about it...

**ROCHELLE: **

_And you wake one morning, just to find your courage gone-_

**NICK: **

Excuse me?

**COACH: **

_But you know that feeling, only lasts a little while!_

**NICK: **

God, if you love me, strike me down now.

**COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE: **

_You just stick with us... and we'll show you how to smile. _

(They grab NICK and drag him along to quicken his pace as they near the GUN STORE, their voices quieting as they fade out in the chorus)

**COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE:**

_Get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, get 'em up ease on down..._

**ROCHELLE:**

Well, that journey went quick.

**NICK:**

Ain't that just dandy.

(NICK promptly slams his foot into the battered GUN STORE door and the SURVIVORS make their way in cautiously. Their expressions turn to ones of delight as they eye the vast array of expensive guns on the shelves)

**NICK: **  
Candy store for adults... I like it.

**ELLIS:**

This here rifle's got my name written all over it...

(There's a loud, static-filled crackle that causes the SURVIVORS to jump)

**VOICE:**

Who goes there?

**COACH:**

An intercom.

(He dashes to the device and presses the button so his voice can transmit through)

**COACH:**

Hello?

**WHITAKER:**

You're not infected are you? Ah, doesn't even matter. Look, I've barricaded myself upstairs for safety. I've got all I could possibly need from the store across the way- but in my haste, I forgot cola.

**ROCHELLE:**

Please don't suggest that he's suggesting what I think he's suggesting...

**WHITAKER: **

So I'll make you a real decent deal. You people skedaddle on over to the market and pick me up a six-pack, and I'll clear the roadblock further up the street for you. Got a grenade launcher up here. Oh, and none of that diet crap.

**ROCHELLE: **

There's a roadblock? No other way around?

**WHITAKER:**

Nope! Now go, vamoose and we'll seal the deal- in the meantime, take something from down there as a little gift...

(Musical cue)

**WHITAKER:**

_GUNS, glorious guns-_

(There's a sudden spark of electricity and WHITAKER'S voice cuts off. It appears NICK has shot the intercom in an effort to end the songs he can't seem get away from. The other SURVIVORS roll their eyes)

**NICK:**

What?

**COACH **(shakes head ruefully, thinking)**:**

A man and his snacks. FINALLY something I am able to make sense of in this mess.

(COACH continues to laugh quietly as the SURVIVORS turn around stoically, weapons in hand, and walk offstage in single file. There's a long, tense pause. The sound of a supermarket alarm pierces the silence)

**ROCHELLE **(offstage)**:**

... fan-friggin'-tastic.

(BLACKOUT)

* * *

A/N: Aaaand that's chapter two over and done with! I've decided that throughout the musical each character is going to get their own song of some kind. Some of these will be solos and some duets, or even just them leading the song. I'm counting this chapter (which featured the soul classic Ease On Down the Road from the 1978 musical The Wiz) as Coach's song. Also, all songs won't be perky and happy and fast. But some will be. Just clearing that up. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to voice them. (: Not too sure what I thought of this chapter, but hopefully you guys enjoyed it.

As always, I'd recommend you YouTube Ease On Down the Road to gain the full effect of this chapter, but it can also be enjoyed on its own. I'd also like to thank my first two LOVELY reviewers, ChickGamerNicole and Zipper Whippersnapper. You rock!

I don't own The Wiz or Left 4 Dead 2. xD


	3. Down and Out

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

Chapter Four: Down and Out

* * *

(Lights come up on the interior of the MALL. The entire joint is overwhelmed with COMMON INFECTED, all of which are milling around, standing there blankly, fighting or expressing extreme discomfort. They're chanting in low, gruff voices)

**COMMON INFECTED:**

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

(A HUNTER and a wheezing SMOKER enter from stage left. They observe the chanting COMMON INFECTED for a moment. The chanting continues below their words)

**SMOKER:**

What'th their problem? (cough)

**HUNTER:**

No clue.

(The HUNTER bounds over to and addresses a zombie)

**HUNTER:**

Hey, you! What's all the moaning for?

**ZOMBIE:**

Easy for you to ask- YOU'RE a special infected. You're strong and way cooler than we are. So there's no problem... not for you anyway.

**SMOKER:**

Tho you all want to become (wheeze) thpecial infected?

(The COMMON INFECTED all nod, keeping up their chant)

**HUNTER** (aside to the SMOKER)**:**

If we rile 'em up enough we'll squish those humans downstairs like bugs.

**SMOKER:**

Thounds good to me...

(THEY address the COMMON INFECTED HORDE)

**SMOKER:**

You can be jutht as thtrong as uth! All you need is thrategy... and plenty of enthuthiathm.

**HUNTER:**

Yeah!

(The HUNTER begins to sing loudly over the HORDE'S chant, trying to get morale up)

**HUNTER:**

_You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up. Think of all the time you're wasting, time's a precious thing to let go by! _

**HORDE:**

_... down, down, down and out..._

**SMOKER:**

_Thure, you've hit the bottom but remember you'll be building from the ground up! (cough) _

**HUNTER:**

_Ev'ry day's another step that takes you even closer to this guy!_

(The HUNTER gestures to a nearby TANK. The HORDE gives an excited gasp. More special infected step forward, eager to excite the HORDE and get the SURVIVORS)

**HUNTER_: _**

_So give it a try._

**HORDE:**

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

_Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out._

**JOCKEY:**

_You (hehe) don't have to sit around (haha!), depressed about the way that luck deceived you... (AHAHA)._

**SPITTER:**

_Fortune sailed away, you missed the boat and found that you'd been left behind!_

**HUNTER:**

_Fight and bite some more until special infection is ready to receive you._

**CHARGER:**

_Lady luck's a fickle bird, but a lady is allowed to change her mind..._

**ALL SPECIAL INFECTED:**

_You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up!_

_So be a man (although you can't!), you can't be certain that it won't work until you try._

_You don't have to sit around, complaining 'bout the way your afterlife has wound up!_

_So be a man (although you can't!), you can't be certain that it won't work until you try._

_So give it a try..._

(The HORDE a now wild with rabid conviction that if they fight like special infected, they have a chance at becoming them. They've formed rows and are marching slowly offstage as the lights dim. The SPECIAL INFECTED stand forward, watching them leave)

**HORDE:**

_We are marching up, up, up and out..._

_We are marching up, up, up and out..._

_We are marching up, up, up and out..._

_We are marching up, up, up and out..._

**TANK:**

Those damn humans are gonna need some serious balls to get outta here alive...

**HUNTER:**

They're heading for the abandoned evac station... we'd better go get ready for when the horde-

**JOCKEY** (interrupting)**:**

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

**ALL SPECIAL INFECTED:**

What now?

**JOCKEY** (stifling giggles)**:**

... you said balls.

(The SPECIAL INFECTED sigh and head offstage. The CHARGER grabs the JOCKEY and carries him like a sack of potatoes- he's still laughing too hard to walk off on his own. BLACKOUT)

(Lights come up on the SURVIVORS, moving quickly through one of the wings of the MALL. ROCHELLE gazes wistfully around)

**ROCHELLE:**

Man, check out all these stores. What I wouldn't give for a new pair of shoes right now...

**COACH:**

Head in the game, little sister.

**ELLIS:**

WOAH. No cotton-pickin' way!

**NICK:**

What now?

(ELLIS excitedly points, speechless, at a huge, colourful banner hanging near an escalator)

**NICK:**

"Get your picture taken with Jimmy Gibbs Junior's stock car, this week only in the Liberty Mall, Savannah." Should this be ringing bells? Cos it isn't.

**ELLIS:**

Wait, what? JIMMY GIBBS JUNIOR, man! That fella is the pride of Georgia. Greatest driver to ever grace a track. And hot damn, I coulda gotten my picture taken with his car. I HATE this apocalypse.

**NICK** (studying the picture)**:**

Really? Looks like a fucking goof to me.

**ELLIS:**

Uh-uh, you did NOT just-

**ROCHELLE:**

LOOK. Can we please just find this evacuation station and shoot some infected before we shoot each other?

**COACH:**

Sounds good to me.

(The SURVIVORS begin to make their way through the MALL, stopping to reload from time to time. NICK pips up again after a few seconds)

**NICK:**

So hold on... you're telling me Hicksville managed to produce a decent driver? Findin' those odds kind of slim here...

(COACH and ELLIS start to retort but ROCHELLE butts in)

**ROCHELLE:**

Oh, no. This can't be happening. No way.

(The SURVIVORS stand before the abandoned evacuation station. It's deserted other than a few zombie corpses. They're horrified, but COACH is the quickest to regain himself)

**COACH:**

We need to get out of here. Fast. This place is choking with infected and we're not getting rescued from here, so... how the hell do we get out without gettin' ourselves killed?

**ELLIS:**

I have an idea.

(The OTHERS turn to him, just the tiniest bit surprised)

**ELLIS:**

Let's go find Jimmy Gibbs's stock car. We get that thing gassed up, we can drive outta here. Maybe even make some roadkill.

**ROCHELLE:**

Ellis, that is GENIUS!

**NICK:**

Fine, but I'm driving.

**ELLIS:**

Uh-uh. My idea. I get to drive that stock car, ya hear?

(There's a sudden commotion from offstage. The screams of the infected are close, and the SURVIVORS are stunned they didn't hear the HORDE coming)

**COACH:**

Run.

(The SURVIVORS don't move a muscle)

**COACH:**

RUN!

(The SURVIVORS sprint off stage right, towards the ATRIUM. Within seconds the HORDE passes from stage left to stage right, after them)

**HORDE **(offstage)**:**

_Up, up, up, and out!_

(BLACKOUT)

* * *

A/N: Oooh, tense ending aye? The next chapter is gonna detail the struggle in the atrium, but will feature a rather fun little song that everyone knows. This chapter's song was 'Down and Out' from the movie Bugsy Malone. It sort of served as a villain's song, though I suppose if you like the infected it's really not. The infected most likely won't be regulars for musical numbers, however.

The chapter after next, just cos I feel like letting you know, will be quite short. It's already written however, and I have to say I quite like it- it's a little more sad and sentimental than the ones that have been featured so far.

Anyway, a big hug to all of my WONDERFUL reviewers. You're all so encouraging and awesome. Feel free to share any thoughts on this chapter with me. (: Oh, and on a suckish note; I've updated very quickly with these first chapters. Mainly because it was the weekend and the nice comments have spurred me to write like crazy. However, I do have a full-time summer job so if the updates slow down a little, don't worry. I'm still going strong, and work gives me PLENTY of time to think up new song ideas!

I don't own Bugsy Malone OR Left 4 Dead. (;


	4. Gibbs' Lightning

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

Chapter Four: Gibbs' Lightning

* * *

(Lights come up on a scene of total chaos. The STOCK CAR sits centre stage, ELLIS with his head poking inside. COACH, NICK and ROCHELLE are holding off a crowd of infected, growing more and more frantic)

**COACH: **

Get a move on, Ellis!

**ROCHELLE: **

Yeah, come on. You're a _mechanic, _Ellis! What's wrong with the thing?

**ELLIS** (shooting her a 'women' look)**: **

The darn thing's just outta gas.

**COACH: **

Then we gotta find some.

**NICK: **

And how do you suppose we do that, Pinky?

(There's a pause, during which they melee the HORDE with gusto. ELLIS points after a moment)

**ELLIS:**

I see a can up there. And another big one there. And two right about there...

**NICK: **

Yeah, yeah, alright, point taken. Man, we may as well give up now.

**COACH: **

Optimism, people!

**ELLIS: **

Yeah! Just you think about the car... what a car.

**ROCHELLE: **

The car?

**ELLIS: **

The car.

**NICK: **

The car?

**ELLIS: **

What a car...

(An even larger HORDE comes swarming in, spurring the SURVIVORS to take them on in an effort to reach the cans. NICK, ROCHELLE and COACH take to different sides of the stage, where ZOMBIES are surrounding gas cans and begin to attack. ELLIS, however, jumps on top of the STOCK CAR and stands there, picking off ZOMBIES with his rifle from the height)

**ELLIS **(above the grunts of the others)**: **

Man, I'm hangin' on ter this baby. Once this whole end-o'-the-world thing is over I'mma fix it up real good.

(ELLIS explodes a HUNTER that's heading for COACH and starts to sing, overly excited)

**ELLIS: **

_Why this car is... automatic._

_It's... systematic._

_It's hydromantic._

Well, hell. The goddamn thing's Gibbs' Lightning! _Gibbs' Lightning!_

(The other SURVIVORS can barely react to his words- they're kicking serious ass. However, ELLIS doesn't relent)

**ELLIS: **

_We'll get some over head lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah!_

**NICK** (irked)**:**

_He keeps talking, the boy keeps talking..._

**ELLIS: **

_A fuel injection cut off and some chrome plated rods, oh yeah._

**ROCHELLE** (fast)**: **

_Keep dreamin' honey, you keep dreamin' honey!_

**ELLIS: **

_With a four speed on the floor they'll be running for the door!_

_You know that ain't no shit- we'll see infected hissy fits-_

_With Gibbs' Lightning._

**SURVIVORS: **

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

**ELLIS: **

_Go, Gibbs' Lightning, we'll be killin' zombies by the mile._

**ROCHELLE, NICK & COACH: **

_Go Gibbs' Lightning, go Gibbs' Lightning!_

**ELLIS: **

_Go, Gibbs' Lightning and we'll burn through the heat lap trial._

**ROCHELLE, NICK & COACH: **

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

**ELLIS: **

_You are supreme!_

**ROCHELLE, NICK & COACH: **

_Oh, oh!_

**ELLIS: **

_Witches will scream._

**ROCHELLE, NICK & COACH:**

_Oh, oh!_

**ELLIS: **

_At Gibbs' Lightning!_

**SURVIVORS: **

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

**ELLIS: **

_Purple French tail lights and thirty inch fins, oh yeah._

_A Palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins, oh yeah._

_With new pistons, plugs, and shocks I can get off my rocks!_

_You know that I ain't bragging she's an ass kickin' wagon-_

_Gibbs' Lightning!_

**SURVIVORS: **

_Go, Gibbs' Lightning, you'll be killin' zombies by the mile._

**ELLIS: **

Gibbs' Lightning, go Gibbs' Lightning!

**SURVIVORS: **

_Go Gibbs' Lightning, we'll be cruising through the heat lap trial._

_You are supreme! Witches will scream! At Gibbs' Lightning!_

_Go, Gibbs' Lightning, you're burning up the quarter mile._

**COACH: **

Gibbs' Lightning, go Gibbs' Lightning!

**SURVIVORS: **

_Go Gibbs' Lightning, we'll be cruising through the heat lap trial._

_You are extreme! Witches will scream! At Gibbs' Lightning..._

(The SURVIVORS are building up to the massive final note as they finish off the HORDE)

**SURVIVORS: **

_Lightning, lightning, lightning..._

(ELLIS throws a Molotov from the roof of the STOCK CAR. It lands and the ATRIUM begins to catch aflame. ROCHELLE, NICK, and COACH are all clutching gas cans- they race to the STOCK CAR to fuel it)

**SURVIVORS: **

_Lightning, lightning, lightning..._

(The gas is hastily added and the SURVIVORS get ready the enter the STOCK CAR as a HUNTER comes pouncing out the rubble, right at ROCHELLE)

**SURVIVORS: **

_Lightning!_

(The song ends on a crashing note as ROCHELLE'S scream pierces the air)

**ROCHELLE:**

Help! Get it off me, PLEASE! _Help me!_

(COACH is the first to shoot the HUNTER, and it rolls off ROCHELLE'S stomach, dead. NICK and ELLIS hastily hoist ROCHELLE up and into the STOCK CAR. She is in bad shape. ELLIS revs the engine and the lights dim as they escape the burning ATRIUM)

**ROCHELLE: **

I don't feel so hot.

(BLACKOUT)

* * *

A/N: Well that's that for now, I suppose. (; The song used in this chapter, obviously, is a slight variation of Grease Lightning from Grease the Musical. I thought it was mega-appropriate and perfect for Ellis, seeing has he does work in the motor business. Anyway, stay tuned; we've got one short little chapter coming up next that should be a goodie, and then we're on to the Passing!

I don't own Left 4 Dead or Grease. :D

Review? :3


	5. Rochelle's Lament

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

Chapter Five: Rochelle's Lament

* * *

(Lights come up on the INTERIOR of the STOCK CAR. COACH is at the wheel, driving in a grim silence as ROCHELLE sits towards the back, wedged between a silent NICK and a concerned ELLIS. Her skin has taken on a pallor and the rag she presses to her wound is blood-soaked. She's shaking)

**ROCHELLE **(weakly)**:**

This just in, special bulletin... Rochelle ain't gonna pull through.

**ELLIS:**

Don't be like that, Ro. We just need to find you some health is all. You'll back up on your feet in no-

(ROCHELLE gives a pained shudder)

**ELLIS:**

... time.

**COACH:**

We're gonna stop and get you a med kit, first chance we get girl.

**ROCHELLE **(with a dark chuckle):

Damned if I'm gonna last that long.

(ELLIS places an arm around her shoulders and ROCHELLE stares ahead with a vulnerability the SURVIVORS have never before fully seen. The car continues to race down the highway as ROCHELLE starts to sing quietly)

**ROCHELLE:**

_What's going to happen? What does the future hold?_

_So many things that I put off- assuming I'd have time... assuming I'd grow old._

_What's going to happen? _

_And will I be alive... tomorrow? _

_What's going to happen... to me?_

(There's a beat of silence before the most unexpected person sings a simple response, quiet yet sure of himself)

**NICK:**

_You're going to be okay. That's what's going to happen._

**NICK, COACH & ELLIS:**

_Everything's okay. _

_We're right here beside you. _

_We won't let you slip away. _

_Plan for tomorrow. _

'_Cos we swear to you... You're going to be okay._

**ROCHELLE **(slightly more comforted):

_I'm going to be okay?_

**NICK, COACH & ELLIS:**

_That's what's going to happen._

**COACH:**

_Everything's okay..._

**NICK, COACH & ELLIS: **

_We sure won't leave you. Right here we'll stay._

_Plan for tomorrow... plan for tomorrow. _

'_Cos we swear to you, you're going to be okay..._

(The song winds down to a final tinkle and ROCHELLE's head dips as she nods off to sleep)

**ELLIS:**

_Weeeee hooooope._

**NICK:**

Shhh!

(END OF ACT ONE)

* * *

A/N: So yeah, each act will be a campaign. This chapter was super short, but with reason- up next is a rather long start to the Passing conataining not one but TWO songs. ;) Oh- and I recommend HUGELY you listen to the song used as Rochelle's Lament. It's called 'What's Going to Happen to Me?' and it comes from the Scrubs musical. Reading this scene and listening to it will have WAY more impact, I promise. :D

On another more serious note, I've been informed that this story does, in fact, go against the guidelines and could be reported. Now, I'm having a LOT of fun writing this and really don't want to have to cut it off short. So here's my plan. During the break between acts I'm going to go back over the chapters and change them into normal format instead of script. Things should be mainly the same, only the stage directions and dialogue will read like a normal story. Hopefully you guys won't mind too much?

This story will be back after a week or so, during which I'll be converting the chapters whenever I get a spare second. On that note, my lovely readers, ta ta for now! Review if you would. (:


	6. The Lovestruck Medley

**Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical**

Chapter 6: Loverstruck Medley

* * *

(Lights snap on as a hectic COACH, NICK AND ELLIS come running onstage. The setting is a dark CITY STREET. In his arms COACH carries a very weak ROCHELLE. He lays her on the ground center-stage and ELLIS hastily unpacks a defibrillator)

**ELLIS: **

Real sorry about this, Rochelle...

(He shocks her one, two, three, four times before ROCHELLE gives a large gasp and jolts up)

**ROCHELLE: **

So that's what being dead feels like. Woah. That's crazy. Thanks, guys.

(They all nod, seemingly relieved)

**ROCHELLE:**

Wait, where are we?

**NICK: **

Yeah, hate to be a hiccup in this joyous moment and all but we're kind of stuck. There's a bridge nearby and there's no way we're getting to New Orleans without lowering it.

**ROCHELLE: **

Well that's just peachy.

**COACH: **

Don't matter none right now. We need to get you fully healed up, girl. Let's go find some health, we could all use it. You okay to walk?

(ROCHELLE springs up easily, and the survivors walk off stage right. As the leave a METAL BALCONY is lowered above. On it stands ZOEY, expression serious and pistol in hand as she stands guard. After a moment the SURVIVORS reappear on stage left, now full of energy)

**ZOEY: **

Oh my God. PEOPLE. Are you serious? Hey, Francis! There's others! Hey, hello down there.

(The SURVIVORS stop below the platform. ELLIS'S jaw drops comically. ROCHELLE is overjoyed)

**ROCHELLE: **

So I'm not the last woman on earth! What a relief.

**NICK: **

You know you loved it.

**FRANCIS** (offstage)**: **

No kidding. Are they infected?

**ZOEY: **

Nope, they could be immune. Not infected, anyway.

(FRANCIS climbs down a ladder and leans on the railing, surveying the SURVIVORS. His gaze falls on ROCHELLE and he smirks)

**FRANCIS: **

Nope... _definitely _not infected. Hello there.

(He winks a little goofily and ROCHELLE chuckles)

**COACH: **

What are your names?

**ZOEY: **

I'm Zoey, he's Francis. And you? Where are you guys headed?

**COACH: **

Call me Coach. This here is Rochelle, Nick... and the boy over here is Ellis. Cat got your tongue or somethin', kid?

(ELLIS jabbers something and blushes, unable to look away from ZOEY. She doesn't seem to notice)

**COACH: **

And we're tryin' to get our asses to New Orleans. Problem is, the bridge bein' up is sort of an issue, you gather? Any chance you folks could lower it?

**FRANCIS: **

Sorry, no can do brother. We've just lost a good man down to raising that thing and another is pretty roughed up. Tell you what, though- get to the other side of it and we can help you. That's the best we can offer.

**NICK: **

Pffft.

**FRANCIS: **

What do you mean by that, you-

**ROCHELLE** (interrupting)**: **

It'll have to do. Thank you, we'll see you around there.

(The SURVIVORS turn to leave)

**FRANCIS: **

I hope to, _Rochelle_. Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.

(ROCHELLE laughs again, a little bemused and not to mention flattered by his flirting. She throws him a smile and she, NICK and COACH head offstage. FRANCIS and ZOEY turn to each other and chat idly as they stay on watch. ELLIS remains rooted to the spot. The stage dims except for where ELLIS stands and the BALCONY. He stares at ZOEY)

**ELLIS **(to himself)**: **

She is so beautiful... she is SO beautiful. I betcha Keith ain't never met a girl like this. Bet he never will.

(Slow musical cue)

**ELLIS: **

_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life don't seem like such a waste. It all revolves around you..._

**ZOEY: **

What do you think about maybe heading down New Orleans way, once we can? They say it's safe...

**FRANCIS:**

Depends on when we get to bury the body. And on when Louis decides to man up.

**LOUIS** (offstage)**: **

I heard that.

**FRANCIS:**

Good!

**ZOEY:**

Seriously, though, Francis, it was weirdly cute to see you still have that side you. Made me queasy, but whatever. You know, talking with Rochelle and-

(She notices ELLIS'S presence)

**ZOEY: **

Oh, Ellis, hey! You're still here. Better go catch up with the others, you're gonna be in serious trouble if you fall behind. I'll cover you til you're out of sight.

**ELLIS: **

A girl with a gun. Wow-ee.

(The METAL BALCONY is lifted slowly, taking ZOEY and FRANCIS along with it)

**ELLIS: **

Dang.

_Never knew that I could feel like this. Like I ain't never seen the sky before._

_Wish I could vanish inside her kiss. Every second I love 'er more and more. _

_Listenin' to my heart, I can hear it sings. Tellin' me to give her everything. _

_Seasons gonna change... winter to spring._

_But I love her, after this short time._

(He starts off after the others)

**ELLIS: **

Zoey... Zoey.

(BLACKOUT)

**COACH: **

And where the hell were you?

(Lights come up as ELLIS catches up with the SURVIVORS)

**NICK: **

Hangin' back trying to get a phone number, eh Overalls?

**ELLIS: **

Laugh all you want folks, but I am gonna marry that girl one day.

**ROCHELLE: **

She yelled at you from a bridge for about five seconds, sweetie.

**ELLIS** (slyly)**:**

Didn't stop you shootin' the biker none o' those looks.

(COACH and NICK turn their teasing stares to ROCHELLE. She's defiant)

**ROCHELLE: **

Excuse me? I... I don't get you.

**NICK: **

Does little Ro Ro have a crush on the grumpy grease monkey?

**ROCHELLE:**

Shut it, Nick. I've been with guys before. I'm on a BREAK from relationships, capiche?

(COACH, NICK and ELLIS lean in to listen, interest piqued as ROCHELLE rolls her eyes)

**ROCHELLE:**

_If there's a prize for rotten judgement... I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation- that's ancient history, been there, done that!_

**MEN: **

_Who'd'ya think you're kiddin', he's clearly something special to you._

_Try to keep it hidden, Rochelle we can see right through you!_

_Girl, you can't conceal it. We know how you feel and who you're thinking of. _

**ROCHELLE** (throws arms up)**:**

_No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no. _

**MEN: **

_The way you smiled at this guy. Why deny it, uh-oh. _

**ROCHELLE: **

_It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love..._

_I thought my heart had learn it's lesson. _

_Just a little fun when you start out. _

_My head is yellin' "ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, girl. _

_You must be dyin' to cry your heart out."_

_Oh!_

**COACH: **

_You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling. _

**NICK: **

_Baby, we're not buyin'. We all saw you hit the ceiling. _

**NICK & COACH: **

_Face it like a grown up! When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad? _

**ROCHELLE **(smiling at the madness of it all)**: **

Wrong! _No chance, no way, I won't say it. No, no. _

**COACH: **

_Give up, give in. Check the grin, you're in love. _

(ROCHELLE scowls)

**ROCHELLE: **

_This scene won't play. I won't say I'm in love. _

**ELLIS: **

_You're doin' flips. _

**MEN: **

_Read our lips- you're in love. _

**ROCHELLE: **

_You're way off base. I won't say it. Get off my case, I won't say it!_

**COACH: **

_Girl, don't be proud. It's okay. You're in love..._

(The MEN walk off ahead, flashlights out. ROCHELLE starts to follow and then stops for a moment, looking around)

**ROCHELLE: **

_Oh... at least out loud, I won't say I'm in love._

(She looks back in the direction of the bridge and balcony before pulling out her flashlight and hurrying offstage)

(BLACKOUT)

* * *

A/N: What can I say? It's generally love at first sight in musicals. I had a hell of a hard time picking out the two songs for this chapter. Ellis' had to be over the top but still shocked and sweet, and Rochelle's couldn't be too extreme (hence the reason I basically had the others force her into realizing she likes Francis). Still, it was hugely fun to write! Oh, and yeah, I gave a slight hint that the L4D1 survivors might follow them to New Orleans and meet up there once they can. Just something I would have liked to see happen.

Rather importantly, I regret to inform ya'll that this fic will no longer be updated on . :( Very sad, I know. But writing it in prose format just doens't work- it is a musical, after all. And since I don't want to risk getting reported, I bring you news some may be glad to hear the musical will now be hosted on DeviantArt. You can find my page linked on my profile. Hope you'll all still read over there.

During the next chapter or two I might have another Francis/Rochelle one (I have a pretty good idea for one that Francis could sing) and Ellis/Zoey too (and I know FOR SURE what one I'll have him sing). I've also got Nick's song finally lined up, and the wedding one too...

The songs used in this chapter were Come What May from Moulin Rouge and I Won't Say I'm in Love from Hercules. Listening is always reccomended, but if not that's cool too. A big thanks to the reviewers! I don't own Left 4 Dead, Hercules or Moulin Rouge. (;

A HUGE thank you to you all for sticking with the story on this site. I uploaded this chapter as a thank you, and the story will remain here but just not be updated. Hope to see some of you still reading soon. =] xxx


End file.
